Serving in the church

I decided that I had to post something of my kids because they are some of my most prized possessions and I don't mention them too much. This summer we've been trying to do FHE, and it is so much fun and fulfilling with them. To anyone who reads this and is currently not holding FHE, I challenge you to do it. We've been working on having family prayer also. It's awesome. There is such a strong feeling of love when we come together as a family to pray.

With time the challenges of serving in the church change. The summer has been a period of reflection. In May, we seriously contemplated moving, but the answer to our prayers seemed to be to stay. I rationalized in my mind that the purpose of staying was to train the younger guys in the Young Men's Presidency even though the spirit clearly said the purpose was for me stay to help certain boys. Looking back, I find that interesting because no matter what I did to try to motivate my fellow leaders, the best experiences of the summer were times when I worked with the boys. Scout Camp was a great success. My other leaders that came were not even in the presidency. One was a guy trying to decide between a mission and college, and the other guy was the Scoutmaster from the other ward. We rapelled, hiked a lot, camped underneath the stars on a hill, and talked a lot at the campsite while the boys were in class.

After scout camp, I worked closely with the Senior Patrol Leader and the Patrol Leader. That was a lot of fun. I had to guide them a little bit, but they worked well on what they needed to plan for the upcoming months.

Last Sunday, I got to teach the Deacon's Quorum. As I prepared for the lesson, I noticed how the spirit prompted me with the direction of the lesson. I wondered why I was feeling the specific direction, but in class it was exactly what the boys naturally needed. Their comments took the lesson exactly where the spirit had prompted me it would go. It was really cool. I think I learned (was reminded) more about the power of prayer than in any other lesson.

The summer ends with me recharged to serve the boys and leave the other leaders to the wind to blow about aimlessly. My only nagging worry is that at some point I have to move. We want to have more children and need more room. The housing market is so over-priced that there is no way we can afford houses in our ward boundaries. (The ward is almost entirely made up of apartment dwellers here for schooling and a couple of rich folk that are doctors.) I want to do my best to ensure that the leaders know what they are supposed to be doing, but I have a feeling that if I want to simply enjoy my time serving here I just need to focus on the boys.

Is This Burnout

A couple of years ago I came to the conclusion that in the church you could avoid burnout by serving to the utmost. That was what was happening as I served in the Young Men's Presidency. I had so much energy that I just threw myself at doing everything possible to have an effect on those young men. It seemed to work. They progressed-gained testimonies, went on missions, went to college. It was awesome to see the effect of the Atonement in their lives.

Even two years ago, returning to serve in the Young Me's Presidency was filled with endless possibilities. It was so exciting to serve and have a new group to work with. As the year progressed, boys started to move away. Matthew went first--the glue of the quorum. No one else moved for a while and things moved forward. I had some incredible Deacon Quorum Presidents. Christien put his heart into it. I wish I knew how to teach leadership skills. It would have really helped, but he was awesome without much help. Russell learned from him and pushed the quorum towards his vision of what the quorum should be like.

A year ago at the start of summer they started moving. Christien and BJ left for the suburbs and a home. Russell left for the northern suburbs. Oscar moved to another ward. Fernando moved. Larry stopped coming out. JJ's mom died and he moved. Jake K. left two weeks ago.
I don't feel that the change of boys should burn me out as I seem to imply. The group I work with is small and awesome, yet my heart is not bursting at the seams trying to contain what I feel for them.

That first group, back in late 2000, I didn't feel anything at first, but as I taught lessons and went camping, my concern for them grew. When I became engaged, I actually worried about having enough love to go around. What I found though was that as I strived to serve, my capacity to love also grew. As my daughters were born, my heart enlarged even more.

So now I have this great big balloon but there isn't that much air going in it. I feel it shrinking, and I don't want to lose what I had. I'm tired after Wednesday night activities. I feel spiritually drained after church. I still get excited for campouts, but I'm sad to see them end. I'm thankful I have a wife to go home to and talk about all this, but the nagging question remains like an unbidden partner in my life asking, "Is this burnout?"

DisneyWorld in two days

Heather and I had the opportunity to go to DisneyWorld. It was a lot of fun. I think we needed a break from the kids. Animal Kingdom was awesome. As we walked in the Nepal area with Everest looming in the background, I actually felt like I was there. The Africa area reminded me of my mission, but it wasn't novel enough to really make me like it. Hopefully, I will write more later.

The new year

I just read All the Pretty Horses, The Crossing, Cities of the Plane, and No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy. They are quite different from the usual young adult fare that I have been reading. They are all set in west Texas along the border with Mexico and New Mexico.

It almost seems like the plot is secondary to what he wants to get across. It doesn't come off as didactic, which is nice. Sometimes it seems to be a window into a world teeming with potential and opportunity, but the main characters are fated for disappointment and sadness. Fate doesn't allow for most people to be happy, he seems to be saying. It's so opposite what I actually feel about life that I don't understand why I read it, let alone enjoy it. I enjoy his sentences how they are what needs to be written. Nothing more. Nothing less. Sometimes they flow on for a couple of lines as a character reminisces about the flashes of happiness and the breathtaking lightning seen across the border seering in the darkness, iluminating a wild untamed land where the young go to become men. . . That whole idea of growing up. McCarthy takes it in a new direction. I partially agree with him, but I still don't like the idea.

And life continues.

This is Katherine born 2/22/06. She weighed 7 lbs and was 19 inches. Even though she is now 5 months old, it seems like she has been part of the family forever. I can't imagine what life would be like for us without her.

Summer School Ends

I just thought I'd experiment with attaching pictures. With the new baby still being breast-fed, we haven't been able to go for a while. We went to a sealing in May and that was it.
Summer school is finally coming to an end. Last year I was all energized with new ideas for how I teach during the school year. This year I feel as if I ran a marathon without getting trained. All I do now is count down the three days. The school year ended with my students learning ab0ut the importance of writing in the filmaking industry. We even filmed the better scripts. During the process they learned that it takes more than just a good script to make the final result. Well I can no longer just ramble. So bye.

Quick One

Well everything is going well. I'm teaching summer school, my car broke down, and I might purchase a house by the end of the year. I've had some chances to go clean up the hurricane mess and that has been a source of great joy. Of course my biggest joys come from my three women in my life. Emma and Katherine are doing well. They are starting to interact with one another. Heather is an incredible rock of a person. Helps to keep me in line and not getting seriously stressed out from my callings.