Is This Burnout

A couple of years ago I came to the conclusion that in the church you could avoid burnout by serving to the utmost. That was what was happening as I served in the Young Men's Presidency. I had so much energy that I just threw myself at doing everything possible to have an effect on those young men. It seemed to work. They progressed-gained testimonies, went on missions, went to college. It was awesome to see the effect of the Atonement in their lives.

Even two years ago, returning to serve in the Young Me's Presidency was filled with endless possibilities. It was so exciting to serve and have a new group to work with. As the year progressed, boys started to move away. Matthew went first--the glue of the quorum. No one else moved for a while and things moved forward. I had some incredible Deacon Quorum Presidents. Christien put his heart into it. I wish I knew how to teach leadership skills. It would have really helped, but he was awesome without much help. Russell learned from him and pushed the quorum towards his vision of what the quorum should be like.

A year ago at the start of summer they started moving. Christien and BJ left for the suburbs and a home. Russell left for the northern suburbs. Oscar moved to another ward. Fernando moved. Larry stopped coming out. JJ's mom died and he moved. Jake K. left two weeks ago.
I don't feel that the change of boys should burn me out as I seem to imply. The group I work with is small and awesome, yet my heart is not bursting at the seams trying to contain what I feel for them.

That first group, back in late 2000, I didn't feel anything at first, but as I taught lessons and went camping, my concern for them grew. When I became engaged, I actually worried about having enough love to go around. What I found though was that as I strived to serve, my capacity to love also grew. As my daughters were born, my heart enlarged even more.

So now I have this great big balloon but there isn't that much air going in it. I feel it shrinking, and I don't want to lose what I had. I'm tired after Wednesday night activities. I feel spiritually drained after church. I still get excited for campouts, but I'm sad to see them end. I'm thankful I have a wife to go home to and talk about all this, but the nagging question remains like an unbidden partner in my life asking, "Is this burnout?"